Schedule of Events

7:00 – 7:30 OPENING CEREMONIES

Starts with the opening FLAG BURNING

Immediately flowed by a The PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE… TO THE U.N.

7:10 Ted Kennedy PROPOSES AN OPENING TOAST

7:15 A SECULAR PRAYER - From Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton

The CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING & worship will follow… being lead by Darryl Hannah &

Al Gore

 7:30 Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST… to going Green

7:35 A DNC Salute to the FREEDOM FIGHTERS… locked in GUANTANAMO BAY

7:40 Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST to… Freedom Fighters locked in Guantanamo Bay

8.00 George Cloony leads the MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM AND HIS SONS

8:15 Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST… to Saddam & his sons

8:30 Pass the hat COLLECTION FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN KIDNEY TRANSPLANT FUND

8:45 Surprise Appearance by Osama Bin Laden, via AL-gezra satellite

8:55 Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST to… Satellites

9:00 - TRUTH IN BROADCASTING AWARD - Presented to Keith Obermin by Michael Moore

9:30 Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST to… Keith Obermin and TOAST

10:00 Iran President Mackmud Amadinajad gives the Keynote address entitled – “aaahhhhh Ala will roast The Capitalist pigs in eternal flame”

10:30 Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST and searches for Roast pig

11:00 Vice Presidential Candidate Joe Biden gives his speech on Change entitled “Obama is poor and I’m

an Washington outsider”

11:30 Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST… TO Boe Jiden

MIDNIGHT – Official NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA - Nancy Pelosi

            "a leader that Allah has blessed us with at this time

1:00 am Ted Kennedy IS TOAST and Proposes... to Nancy Pelosi

1:05 am OFFICIAL CORONATION OF BARACK OBAMA

1:30 am Acceptance speech by Barrack Obama…entitled “audacity of everyone BUT me”

            Immediately following the speech the Heavens will open and Barrack Obama will ascend to the left hand of God and throw the Evil Capitalists into the fiery lake. 

* When Obama squints dreamily into the distance, he can see next week's lottery winning numbers…But he never plays because that would mean poverty of ambition.

 * Every morning, Obama opens his eyes and the world springs into existence.

* Obama is 50% African-American AND 50% typical White person… so he’s loved by EVERYONE

* "Obama" is the very first word in the English language to be a verb, adjective, noun, pronoun, adverb, interjection, superlative and pronad. (Pronad is a new category made specifically for the word "Obama" so its power can be fully realized).

* Obama can calculate your guilt just by looking at the numbers in your checkbook.

* If he is this Amazing NOW…imagine what he can do when he gets some experience

* Obama's famous stare once converted 15 Islamic fundamentalists into secular progressives, all of whom are currently employed by Countrywide Home Loans.

* Obama often says "uh" and “um” in his speeches to reach out to the community of the “Less articulate”

* Obama always overpays his taxes because he knows the government will find a better use for his money than he ever could.

* When Obama rids the world of nuclear weapons… the red button in his office will rightfully control the thermostats in American homes.

* Obama brings change to the world every time he closes his eyes and imagines that Twin Towers never existed.

* When Obama relaxes at home with his family he switches to a British accent.

* Obama's children are named Child 1 and Child 2 respectively… because individuality is evil

* Everyone Obama touches… MIRACULOUSLY begins to vote Democrat.

 * Obama's love for the downtrodden heats up the planet by 3.8 degrees. While his strong dislike of Evil conservatives cools it down by the same amount. That's why the scientists have been unable to detect any significant variations in average global temperatures.

 * More dead people voted for Obama than for any other Democrat candidate in the history of Chicago politics!

* Obama can make things disappear just like David Copperfield can…He rarely does because he hates taking things away from the community

* There is a mortitorium on any movies about Obama… because there is nobody on the planet that is attractive enough to play him.

* It's like a whirlwind in his head but if he concentrates… He knows what people are thinking all over the world….Presidents...diplomats...scientists. He can help them understand each other. He is at one with all living things. Each man’s thoughts are his to know. He has power beyond imagination.

                        Oops that’s not Obama that’s The Highlander

 * Chicks dig him because he rarely wears underwear and when he does it is something unusual

* Obama wrote "Stairway to Heaven" and many other songs popular among the downtrodden.

* Scientists discovered that a constant repetition of the words "hope" and "change" increases the size of penis in male patients by up to three inches.

* Obama smokes so you don't have to!

* The "smoke" that comes out of Obama's mouth contains rare gases that help replenish the ozone layer and neutralize the industrial pollution.

* In Portland, Oregon, Obama fed a multitude of 75 thousand with just five government subsidy forms and two rolls of red tape.

* He is strong proponent of recycling… He is working hard to recycle your income into welfare

* When he claps his hands… a child is born HEALTY in a 3rd World country… And a sweatshop closes in Asia.

* Every time a bell rings… An evil “fuel-wasting…” “planet-polluting” PILOT loses his wings

* He maintains close relationships with Tony Resco and Bill Ayers to minister to them. He is making the world a better place ONE person at a time